Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize