He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
