Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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