Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
