Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
