End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
