dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
