Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I came so hard my ears popped.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
that may or may not have been my penis.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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