im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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