Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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