she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
