just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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