I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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