trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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