the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
