she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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