This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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