I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
