Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Randomize
