hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
