There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She's the barista slut.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
