True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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