we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
