Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
