I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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