i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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