After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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