oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
