I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
