So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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