I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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