Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
