Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
