I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
