you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
