Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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