i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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