It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
