i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
