I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
