Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
