I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize