I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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