I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
