im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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