She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
