My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
time to smoke my breakfast
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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