She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
