My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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