i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize