Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
