Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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