he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
