I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
