So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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