Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize