She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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