Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
