There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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