I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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