I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
