Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize