I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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