I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
