are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize