kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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