My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
why is half of my head shaved?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
