Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I AM VODKA MAN
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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