yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize