He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize