I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize