It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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