Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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