You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
