No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Sober January is a disaster.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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