sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
