Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
