We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
