Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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