loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
