New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
