im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
